After a four-week summer break, tonight my teacher training program resumes. Why do I find myself, every Monday afternoon, full of fear and dread? Counting down the minutes before I have to shove off to class and face the inevitable – the possibility of having to teach my peers! Shouldn’t I be excited and enthusiastic? I’m pursuing my dream of becoming a yoga teacher. How else am I ever going to make that dream a reality if I don’t actually practice teaching?? Why can’t I have the attitude of my friend and fellow trainee, who once told me after I confided that I was afraid to step into class that night, “Why are you nervous? Teaching is fun!” Um, ok, sure. Then why do I find myself hiding in the back of the room, averting my eyes when the teacher looks around for the next ‘volunteer’ to step up to the mat and teach the next pose. The irony is, I signed up for this! I paid good money to be here! No one’s forcing me to do this! Of course all of this fear just brings up doubts of whether or not I am cut out for teaching, whether or not I can really pull this off. I start to second guess myself and my intentions for being here. I know there is a yogic lesson in all of this, part of this process is to address fears, to look inside myself and examine the deeper layers of who I am and what needs work. It’s one thing to expect and accept that I will have to work at this, but it’s a whole other thing to actually DO the work.
Well, here goes. There’s no time like the present!